FOLIO OLIO

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, May 30, 2016

MONDAY #2717

One Of My Very Own…



ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



Well they did it!


The BEAM craft is attached and inflated on board the International Space Station.




This could be a game changer.


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Cincinnati Zoo was celebrating the 17th birthday of this amazing animal ambassador of the endangered lowland gorilla species... Today one of their employees had to make the horrible decision to pull the trigger and shoot him after a child got into his enclosure. It is not known yet for sure if the parents were holding him over the railing and dropped him or if they just weren't paying attention and he climbed over the fence himself.

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On this Memorial Day let's be reminded why we don't speak German.



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Much more seriously, a new bug we can't kill.

Reminds me of the new version of War of the World when a tiny bacteria took down the mighty aliens.
Think about why we haven't heard from any other advance civilizations. Maybe humans (or human-likes) can only survive a few million years before the germs evolve to overtake us. Chilling, that.



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If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you're on the air," most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
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Eve: Wrong hole!
Adam: Sorry, it's my first time. And just how do you know it's the wrong hole? No one has ever done this before; it's just us making it up as we go.


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Wright Brothers' Glider

I've got more on this in a later post.

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Manager: Your fired.
Me: You're.
Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud?
Me: How did you know I corrected you?


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It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's my wife standing behind the Subway sandwich guy helping him make her sandwich.
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Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night or who is that woman on our couch?
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Chinese live-streaming services have banned people filming themselves eating bananas in a "seductive" fashion.


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The perfect circle guy at work.


The perfect circle guy off work.


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You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.
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Oh, look, we found the free thinker...

Or, the "thinker", period.

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Motorist faces charges after crashing car while using vice grips as a steering wheel.

I've done shit like that.

Speaking of...


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Parents in Ontario who refuse to get their children immunized could be forced to take a course on the science of immunizations.


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Mystery over meat-wrapped knives stabbed into trees. A 1½-year-long mystery continues in Omaha, Nebraska, after someone left knives wrapped in meat in trees in Leavenworth Park on Tuesday.



AND....
Postal workers in the west of Dundee, Scotland, have discovered trout left in three of their mail boxes.

I have found my kindred spirits.

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Listening to a documentary about Queen Elizabeth. Some said at the time of her marriage that Phillip was so tight ass that if he ate a nail, he would shit a corkscrew.
I found that very funny.

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G. U. I. L. T. - The foundation of all religions.




Present day liars.

I would be funny if it didn't cause so much damage to fragile minds. I think schools should teach young people all the quality options to make masturbation a more fulfilling exercise.

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On February 3, 1949, a crowd of over 25,000 gathered at New York Harbor to see the arrival of a merchant ship named Magellan. On the side of the French freighter was painted the words "MERCI AMERICA". Aboard was forty-nine French railroad box cars filled with tens of thousands of gifts donated by French citizens. This was the Merci Train, a token of appreciation to the people of the US from the people of France, for the 700 boxcars of food and relief materials that Americans had sent to war-torn Europe in 1947.


I was once asked to repaint one of those...shields and all...for free....I but laughed.

As I was inspecting the damage a young couple drove up and asked me about it. I gave a brief explanation, then the young woman said, "What does that sign mean." (it's the rectangular one at the top of the door that as best as I can remember reads 20 men or 9 horses in French) The young man translated for her, then beamed at me and said, "That's the first time I've ever used all those French class I took in high school."

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Your child needs one of those. And I think this is done the same way...


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Finally.....


After I found that wonderful idea, I ran across this collection of profoundly awful tattoos.
I have no idea what this first one is trying to communicate...





And my all-time favorite...


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Want to guess what this is?

A cake.

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Watch an indie film (that I will not recommend) that had this door in one scene.

Those are not deadbolts, but door knobs. No explanation was provided.

Then this guy had one scene at the very end.

And said about six words.

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RESEARCHER: (signing) What color are apples?
BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison.
RESEARCHER: (writing) Still struggling with colors.


Speaking of colors...



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Okay, I put in too much work on this to let one little download glitch stop me. I made this screenshot of a gif and wrote this...


I want you to guess the ending to this clip.
a) He lands in the water and a boat runs over him.
b) He lands in the water unconscious and has to be rescued.
c) The water is only a foot deep and he breaks his leg.
d) None of the above but you still won't believe it.

Well, it was D. And a full week later I got a successful download.


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I run across these sorts of things all the time.

Yeah, we get it. You read the book. But, really, who gives a shit?

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Can you name the novels that end with these lines?



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"so what did you do before self-driving cars?"
"we just drove 'em ourselves!"
"wow, no one died that way?"
"oh no, millions and millions of people died. we didn't fucking care! we were tough!


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I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
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